Kiss and Tell: Dating Under The Influence
The sobering truth of first dates
A first date is a clear beginning. Whether it goes nowhere or you live happily ever after, it’s a time to get to know someone; their life goals, what they do for work, their favorite movies, etc. So should we be throwing substances into the mix?
S. wrote in: “I went on a date last night. We went out for drinks and had a nice time, but I’m not sure if I had a good time because of him or because I was drunk. What should I do?”
With the rise of more casual dating, it’s not uncommon to hang out at someone’s apartment and smoke or go out to a bar and have a few drinks. But is a clouded judgment the best way to get to know someone?
If you go out for a drink, it can be a great experience. Alcohol, being a depressant, can help get you relaxed and open up about yourself. It can take the edge off and allow you to relax. Weed is the same way. It can help calm your nerves and open you up to new experiences. Let’s face it, first dates are scary, and it makes sense to want to try to help yourself relax.
But if you don’t know your limits, it can quickly go south. While I’ve never experienced this, I did go on a date once with a guy that told me he went out with a girl that got so drunk that she tried to fistfight a bouncer. I definitely don’t recommend getting that drunk on a first date. There’s a line between relaxed and blackout, and it’s important to know your limits. If you’re not someone who knows your limits and how substances affect you, you shouldn’t be taking them on a first date.
Also, I think it’s important to be open and clear with the person you’re going out with. If they want to smoke but it stresses you out, tell them that ahead of time. If you want to show up taking other substances, let them know so they know what to expect. Just like everything else in a relationship (platonic or romantic), it’s all about consent. Don’t expose someone to things they aren’t up for, and make your boundaries clear. Neither party should have to feel uncomfortable or put in a situation they didn’t consent to.
As much as I’d love to be able to give you a definitive stance, this really comes down to personal preference. If you find that you are your best self when you add something into the mix, you should. But if you want to get to know someone without any enhancers, maybe add it in on the second or third date.
If you’ve had a good time already and aren’t sure how you truly feel like S., it might be good to have a second date and see how you feel. Since you feel like alcohol clouded your judgment the first time around, try this one sober. Maybe grab a coffee and go for a nice walk or try an activity like bowling or mini golf. Add something that’s going to take you out of your comfort zone but let you be clear minded.
That’s all for now so keep it cute, stay safe, and I’ll see you next week.
XOXO, Gillian
Got dating problems? Email us at primadonna.kissandtell@gmail.com, and we might just answer you in our next column update!
